Ah, the joys of grandchildren…

by Tami Dane on June 23rd, 2011
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A week’s supply of bottled water. Check.

Medical emergency kit. Check.

Stash of healthy munchies. Check.

No, we’re not going on vacation or preparing for a hurricane. We’re preparing for a three-day visit from Mikey. An (almost) two year old
walking, climbing, reaching, pulling, tripping, falling disaster-waiting-to-happen. Why, oh why are boys that age so determined to do themselves bodily injury (I’m guessing Darwin would have something to say about it)?

I’m telling you, despite his best efforts, we are hellbent on keeping him injury free.

Does anyone know where I can buy a padded body suit? Size 2T. With matching crash helmet?

In all seriousness, I’d like to remind all grandparents–who haven’t had a 2 year old around for a few…decades–of a few safety tips:

1. Houseplants look yummy to a toddler (which blows my mind, since most of them won’t touch spinach). And dirt is a tempting dessert. Unfortunately, many varieties of houseplants are poisonous. And plant food isn’t all that great for Little Johnny either. Keep them up, out of reach. And when I say up, take into account the fact that the average 2 year old boy is a fearless climber and will think nothing of standing on tables or scaling your bookshelves like a rock wall.

2. Safety gates are a grandparent’s best friend. They can be used to either contain a busybody in a kid-proofed area of your house, or keep him out of a non-kid-proofed area. Seriously, they’re worth their weight in gold. Buy at lot. You can never have too many.

3. Lock everything. Cabinets (especially ones with dangerous cleaners or chemicals in them) and doors. Toddlers just LOVE playing with doors. They also love going out them. That’s not a good thing, especially if you live on a busy street.

4. Forget about accomplishing anything. A toddler is going to require your undivided attention. Period. So prepare ahead of time as much as possible. Tivo your favorite shows. Take an extra long shower and loofah, shave, and lather to your heart’s content. Cook meals ahead of time and refrigerate/freeze then reheat later. Better to spend  your time playing with Little Johnny than cooking noodles anyway.

5. Check your floors, tables, shelves for anything smaller than a silver dollar and put them up. Same goes for anything fragile. It’s a commonly known fact that a toddler will be drawn to a rare/valuable keepsake. And his first impulse will be to throw it against the hardest surface he can find.

6. ENJOY! Before you know it, Little Johnny will be six and a half feet tall and will be introducing you to your first great-grandchild 🙂

Categories: miscellany

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